Deep thoughts

How much do we know anyone, really? I mean even the people who are closest to you. I was reading a book recently that pointed out that between each of us, even those who are extremely close, that we are still miles apart to some extent. As I thought about this I wasn't sure how that made me feel. From a Buddhist perspective it shouldn't matter right - we care and that is all that matters? However, from my own personal perspective it made me a bit fearful. Do I not 'really' know those I love the most? Are they some other person inside - with different wants and needs? These thoughts both repelled and intrigued me at the same time.

I guess my ego would like to think that I really know those closest to me. That we have no secrets or separate realities within ourselves. But is that true? I really thought about it. I think the author may be right. But does it even matter I ask myself.

Having trust issues from my childhood in the past I would wait for the shoe to fall, for the eventual betrayal or hurt. I don't go around thinking like that anymore (haven't since marrying my wonderful husband), but those old ghosts do crop up now and then. In a sense, those ghosts were miles apart from me even though we were close, so I guess the author was right. But should we worry about it, do something? I don't think so. I am finding the key to 'living in the present' and 'being present' is letting life unfurl without the need to control it or fear of what will happen. We all have some bit of separate self I think tucked inside. Perhaps that side never sees the light of day or is too shy to be shared - who knows. I think that is part of the spark that makes us unique and makes those around us interesting. If we knew everything I guess we wouldn't have much to talk about. :)

Not really going anywhere in particular with this - just rambling. It is a gray, rainy day and my thoughts turn inward. I'm sitting here with my sick teenager snoring away. Thinking of his life too and what will unfurl for him. Hoping that he never has the same ghosts that I did/do. He's a happy guy, but still waters run deep with him. He holds his cards close and shares only when he's ready to. Perhaps he is the more evolved in this family, holding his thoughts and feelings until he's ready to share. Either way I'm here with him now - in the present - contemplating the closeness and yes, the distances between us. Knowing that all these quirky things make us who we are. What we choose to share is like the painting you see in the museum: at first you see the beauty of the scene or object and then when you look closer you see the details and artistry - just what the artist wanted to share and nothing more.

Hold those you love close and know that their mysteries (if any) help shape the person you love. Open your heart even if it means that it could be broken. As the old Native American saying goes: Without any rain there would be no rainbows.(or something like that, you get the gist of it).

Peace to you all~

Michelle