Fear

It's sad that so many of us who want to create art, art that others will feel a connection to, are so afraid at times.  I've spoken to many artists and ironically we all go through some stage of fear at some point or along the way in our 'careers'.  Fear that the 'well will dry up' that you won't get to create or even that others will not get it or like it or that we'll be stuck in mediocrity (etc).


Fear in our day to day lives affects that creative spark as well.  It's hard to be a free creative spirit if your children are having problems in school, they may be repossessing your home or you have some medical issue that needs attention.  It's even hard to be creative when all you have to do is be working full time in some capacity outside of the art world.


Why do we fear so much?  I, for one, have tended to be one of those more fearful souls.  'What if' can be a cruel master.  Thankfully I've been a part of a meditation group now for almost a year and that has helped tremendously.  All experiences, whether good or not so good, can be our teachers.  What is my fear teaching me?  What is your fear teaching you?  My personal opinion is that while I do not like the fear that it actually is helping to excavate some part of myself.  Like the layers of an onion and gets down to the concentrated parts of who we are.  Of course the excavation process is only viable when you're actively doing something about the fear.  Allowing the fear to take over and paralyze does nothing for you at all except limit you that much further.


I spent many years in another world (IT) and while I learned a lot and was good at what I did, I feared never exploring my creative side.  I didn't want to go through life not pursuing it even for only personal exploration.  I didn't want to say the regret word.  Yet, underneath that yearning to create lurked the fear.  The fear that I actually had to DO something about it and what if it really stunk?  Over time I realized that the creating had to be for me alone. If it then appealed to someone else then that would be great.  If not, I still would be expressing myself the way I always wanted to.  


I admit it.  I would love to be one of those out of the blue 'found' artists.  Hey, I can daydream.  What artist wouldn't love that?  But through the course of my meditations I have grounded myself more.  I see that the joy is in the creating, the being present.  That quote about life is about just showing up applies here.  Breathe, paint, draw, enjoy the colors, enjoy diving into what you love to do.  Not putting restrictions or pressure on yourself and allowing that creative spirit to dance and flow.  I can't make it happen, it has to happen all by itself.


In the course of the meditation training I'm trying to take that standpoint from all aspects of my life.  Just breathe, be present and let the events wash over me and not insert foot into mouth, judge or become contracted in fear of some kind or another.  I learned years ago that the opposite of love is not hate, it is fear.  I think they're onto something.  


So to conclude my ramblings, get in there and just create.  Whether it is cooking, painting, wood working, etc...just do it!  Be afraid and do it anyway! (and I'll try and take my own advice on this one)


Enjoy today by taking in a deep breath and smiling!


~Peace
Michelle


Another newer painting (sorry, the image quality isn't great - still working on a better photographic solution):


Acrylic and acrylic inks on canvas - Untitled - 16 x 20 - January 2010